Yesterday I went for a long walk with my dog to escape my thoughts. My thoughts have been getting the best of me lately. I’ve tried everything to rid of the demons that have been haunting my brain- yoga, self help books, cases of wine, reading a yoga self help book while sitting on a case of wine. Nothing has helped until yesterday.
While I was on my walk I had an epiphany. A realization so strong that it knocked me to my senses… or maybe it was the the dirty diaper my dog put in her mouth. Either way, I needed a wake up call and that infant needed a diaper genie.
For the past month I have been playing the victim, feeling wronged for the way I have been treated. I put my heart and soul into a theatrical project that essentially changed hands and I felt used, taken advantage of and “dumped”. It was like letting go of a bad boyfriend. You feel foolish for all your time and efforts but in the end, you realize it was never about you.
The “bad boyfriend” will continue on and the most powerful thing I can do is wish him love and kindness. Playing the victim was getting me nowhere, except two blocks down to the wine store.
When I approached the situation for those I felt wronged by with a sense of understanding and compassion, I was able to let go. I realized that they needed the project more than me. Playing the victim was not working for me, and quite frankly, it was annoying. I was annoyed with myself. How many times can I read the same Facebook post without my eyelids drying up?
As for me, I will be fine. I’ve got my finger in so many different pies ( more like double chocolate cheesecakes ). I’ve got the resources and the confidence to create something new. My brain ignites with new projects and new challenges and new strains of red wine.
Victim no more…unless I have to play one on TV…..